The Beginning - Insecurities, Imperfections, & Weaknesses

Well, we're several days into the first week of this assessment. So far, so good! I still need to meet with Jay and Dr. Jaime though. I'm a little behind. I got my bloodwork done a few weeks ago, so I guess I'm waiting on those results before scheduling something with the nutritionist. I'm pretty interested to find out what my body needs and how I should really be eating.

• Can I eat more fruit than I thought?
• Should I stick to almond flour?
• Can I add quinoa and brown rice to my diet?
• Is cheese really that bad?
• What about soy?

I participated in the 30-Day Paleo Challenge last year. I ate strictly Paleo and did not cheat at all! But I missed drinking a glass of vino here and there. We'll see how I handle that this time around. I love wine and champagne, but I also know the carbs have a huge, negative effect on me.

So, as I mentioned in my About Me section, I decided not to post my "before" picture. I feel good most days- strong, energetive, healthy! But I just don't want a half-naked picture on here to remind me of my many flaws. I'm not satisfied with how I look right now, and the pictures completely freaked me out. I'm entirely too body-conscious and insecure. I'm not ready to share that with the entire CFM community. Maybe this summer, I'll be ready to post a bikini pic lol

One of my major issues is my stomach. I have this little pooch that won't go away. It's like being 4 weeks pregnant all the time lol I never wear tight shirts or tank tops just because I'm entirely too self-conscious about it. I want to wear sexy, skin-tight shirts one day! Hopefully, I can figure out what I need to do differently to have a flatter stomach. Sit-ups every day?? No wine?? Ugh.

I started a new job recently where I have to attend a lot of business meetings, so I need to step up my work wardrobe. I hate trying clothes on though. It's a chore! And unless I'm at Victoria's Secret, where they have those optical-illusion mirrors that make you look 10 pounds lighter, looking at myself that closely makes me feel terrible. Nothing ever seems to fit right.

Since I started CrossFit, I've lost 2-3 dress sizes, so I don't have much room to complain. I'm a size 6 now. I'm okay with that number... (the fact that I'm even sharing that confidential info is confirmation of that). So yesterday, I tried clothes on for the first time in a looooong time... it wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. I guess for right now, I'll try to enjoy where I am.

I have no idea how much I weigh... I avoid the scale. If I had to guess, it's probably around 140-145 lbs, which sucks. I feel like I've been stuck in that range for awhile - the dreaded plateau. Ideally, I'd like to be 125 or 130 lbs, but I just don't see it happening... Can I even accomplish that? Should I even be concerned with the number? Next week, I have a doctor's appointment for a physical, so I'm sure I'll have to find out my weight. I'm not looking forward to that at all.

*One year from now, I will feel accomplished, if I am comfortable enough to wear shorts and a tank top in public. I was able to do that on my honeymoon last year but only after I starved myself for two weeks. Sooooo... I'd rather do it the right way - eating healthy, eating enough, and working out.

*I will also feel accomplished if I am confident enough to post my "before" picture alongside my "after" picture without shame.

CrossFit Goals:

• 3 dead hang pull-ups
• 10-15 unbroken kipping pull-ups
• 6-8 unbroken dips
• Effortless double-unders
• 10-15 real, unbroken push-ups
• 1 handstand push-up
• Better, lower pistols